2014

As I look back over the year on this New Year's Eve, I think of the many things that have taken place.  Both Brent and I have maintained our same positions at work, me being assistant professor at Cedarville University School of Education and Brent a home health care physical therapist with Gem City Health Care.  Elli finished 2nd grade well being named the Citizen Award recipient and started third grade in Mrs. Stephens class, a former student of mine.  She continues to improve in her school subjects.  We have had several conversations about how her "gifts" may not be the kind that can be tested on school tests, but that she is gifted in compassion, communication, and flips!  Micah has continued to grow in ways that are both challenging as his parents and tremendously joyful.  He is a blessing and a hoot!  He is in a screaming phase right now when he doesn't get his way, but is smart as a whip counting(with one-to-one correspondence), naming his colors, talking up a storm, recognizing some letters, singing songs from memory, jumping, kicking, running, etc.  He really is a joy.
I think of the amazing times we have had making memories with our extended family.  We were able to get to Europe to see Janna, Justin, Aria and Colette, as well as Lance, Lana, Liam, and Lilly.  We didn't get to see Luis though as he was born a month after we left.  We made it to Canada to see Gordon's family, Ann's family, and grandpa Ferguson.  We went to Mansfield to see Grandma Donough, Greg's family, and some other cousins.  We celebrated most birthdays and holidays with my sisters and parents, as well as Grandma.  Leah announced she was having another baby, due in April!
We experienced some loss this year with the murder of my cousin Michael.  Some distant relatives have died this year as well on both sides of our families.
Dad was diagnosed recently with B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  We have had a hard time working through that news.
Brent and I found out we were going to have another baby as well.  On Sept 5th, I was at the Dr because my eye had swollen shut with a bug bite. (we think bed bugs, but not positive).  She was prescribing a steroid to help with the itching and I thought, I wonder if it is safe to take if I am pregnant.  Sure enough, I took a test in the office and it was positive!  We had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks, Sept 19th, and sure enough, there was a sweet little baby in there.  I was sick and tired and loving it.  I had Jeni make shirts for Elli and Micah with pumpkins on them.  They said, "I am the Biggest Pumpkin" and "I am the Middle Pumpkin."  We announced to my family at the annual pumpkin patch and Brent's family by skype.  It was pure joy to see and hear their reactions.  We began making plans and getting ready for the arrival of another Ferguson baby.  I began to feel better at between 7-8 weeks.  I had a dr. appointment a 9 weeks on Oct 10th.  Sadly, we had an ultrasound just to make sure all was ok, and found out the baby had stopped growing at around 7 1/2 weeks.  The next week I began to mis-carry the baby and had to have a d and c on Oct 22.  I have really struggled with all of this. I have just been really sad.  I know that God is still the same God, but boy have I had a tough time losing this baby.  I just can't wrap my mind around the "why" behind it all.  Why give us the joy of a new baby? Why do it as another miracle? Why allow us to get pregnant when we were trying not to? Why then take this baby? Why not let us raise this baby? Why make us walk this sadness again? Why lead us down this road? Why?  One day I will know, but for now, I ask for comfort and healing as I do walk this road of unanswered "whys."

As I contemplate the joys and hardships of this year, I pray I am able to thank God for all he has done.